The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Multiverse
by Cyber Hyena1
Summary: I'm rating this PG just be safe. My take on The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, crossing into the many anime universes, with me, a humble researcher for The HGTTAM. Please review, and No flames!!!
1. Default Chapter Title

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Anime Multiverse

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Author's note: I don't own The Hitchhiker'sGuide To The Galaxy or any anime mention hither. I'm doing this for fun and I'm not profiting by this except for my urge to write something pointless and entertaining. Now sit back and enjoy my adventures, oh and don't forget your towel.

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The following is a story not about Humans, Sayians, Jurians, or any other race or sub-race. It is about an author, a Monday, and a wholly remarkable and useful book. This is the story of that book, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Multiverse_, and the events that come with it. It begins with a field.

Chapter 1

This field was a nameless two yards of grass with little or no significance to the rest of existence expect for the fact that it contained a fan fiction author, specificallyhalf-asleep, suffering a major hangover, and originating from Earth. He shook the headache off and rubbed his face, discovering he was in need of a shave. He looked up at the sky and mentally got his priories in order as he reached lazily for his satchel and prepared to leave planet and continue his travels across space.

Guide Entry For _Space_:_Space, It's huge, really huge. It's so mind bogglingly large and complex, if a person was to think about it too hard, their skull would implode. You think it's a long trip to the pharmacist, but that's peanuts compared to Space._

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The young traveler, named Ryan, checked over his bag to make sure the Traibian Pack Rats hadn't looted his person during the night. He pulled out a respectably clean shirt, a tin ofbeef jerky, an electronic thumb, a towel stolen from a Holiday Inn, and a strange device that resembled a large calculator with thousands of push buttons. This was the highly acclaimed _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Multiverse_. This book has been often mistaken by Stags (non-hitchhiker or non-Outlaw people,) to be the same as the _Excliopedia Animea. _But there are two major things that differ them, one being that the HGTTAM is slightly cheaper, and thefact it contained more useful information for making intergalactic hitchhiking less of a hassle. The book was incased in a plastic cover with _Don't Panic_ written a large friendly letters on it.

Clearing his head of the morning stupor, our hero tried to recall where in God's name he was. After stretching, yawning, and belching (repeating it twice,) he remembered that he was on a planet owned by the Jurians, Traibial. He grabbed his bag, and a leather jacket which he threw over his shoulder had headed for the port, right near by. As he passed by all the nameless citizens with any part in the story what so ever, he came upon the ship docks, one ship that caught his interests, A Cltar Cltar Battle Cruiser, model 399 version. He made note of that as he entered a small pet shop and bought himself a new Bable Fish, the last one met with a Que and ended becoming fish and chips, leaving Ryan with out any means to communicate with non basic speaking life forms. He had to spend the night out a field because he knew only two languages, English and Bad English. As he stuck the squirming yellow creature into his ear, he set about to find a ship that was hitchhiker friendly.

Guide Entry for _Hitchhiking_:_To hitch rides with ships, one must know the facts about it. Reading the name is a good idea to find out what the ship is like, i.e. a ship named The Cast-Iron Stomach is probably a ship with a cook who believes in using 3 week old road kill as his/her main ingredient. You also have to watch out for what kind of people are on board, you can tell by looking closely for a color coded slash on the ships hull. Ships with a maroon marking is an Outlaw, Green for Smugglers, Black is a pirate, ect. Space Pirates are not people you want to hitch a ride with, for very obvious reasons. Once they get you on their ship they may lull you into a false sense of security by acting buddy-buddy with you. That's when they loot you, strip you to your underwear, and tie you to the nearest flag pole, and that's if their in a good mood. Other races are sometimes spiteful of hitchhikers and will be aggressive, explained further on. Prime Examples are the Cltar Cltar and the Sayians._

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Ryan hummed a few bars of "Moonlight Bay" as he causally walked about with his Sub-Sensa Thumb, looking for a reading, Suddenly it went mad, bleeping as another Cltar Cltar Battle Cruiser hovered above the port. Knowing he was either going to get "arrested" or chewed out, he sadly shrugged his shoulders and tried. He was utterly shocked witless as a transporter beam hit him and teleported him on ship. As fell on the deck, he was helped up by a 7ft. tall human shaped wolf wearing a cook's apron. His friends ceased their duties and scampered over to greet him, in a traditional style among canines, which Ryan gladly participated.

# Wow, It seems I've found a loophole in bumming rides off Cltar Cltar. He thought to himself as he gladly took a chilled shot of Arcturian Mega-gin and sat to exchange space faring stories with his new Lunarian Wolfoid friends.

Guide Entry for _Lunarian Wolfiods:__ They may appear vicious and carnivorous but take on more personality traits of dogs, rather then wolves. They are the universe's greatest mechanics. They can build or fix just about anything mechanical, except for a VCR which can only be handled, strangely enough, by the village idiots. They're also some of the best cooks and drink mixers in the galaxies ( rivaled only by the Que's, Princess Sasami, and Emril Lagasy,)they are always good in a bar fight, and they don't give a wet slap about anything else._

As he sat an chatted, suddenly, he heard the marching out side the door and ran for the back room where the cooks slept. He waited in darkness as the marching got clearer, then fainter, and fainter. Breathing a sigh of relief hecurled up and prepared for a hyper jump.

Meanwhile….

At the main bridge of the ship sat Lady Aisha Clan Clan, the ambassador for the Cltar Cltar Empire. The bridge looked like a steamy juggle encased lagoon, with control stations and the captain's chair, which Lady Ashia currently occupied. The cat women was pleased with herself, having attained such a high rank. She proudly puffed out her well formed chest, causing near by crew members to go red in the face.

As she was about to ask where her snack was ( she was low on protein and was weakening,) when a Wolfoid came bounding in, grinning a fanged grin and waging his tail like a maniac. He set her snack before her and and skipped right out, still grinning. One would think that Aisha would have been puzzled to see one of the cooks so happy, but on the contrary she was delighted. If one of the Wolfoids was looking smug and pleased with itself, that meant that something interesting was in need of her attention, perhaps hitchhikers. _I could use some entertainment on this flight._ Aisha thought her self as she downed her meal, she wanted to be at full strength and imposing if her suspicions were correct.

Back in the galley, Ryan stood on his knee's, woozy from the hyperspace jump. Vowing to have something a little stronger to drink he flopped on one the futons, just as an announcement came on.

"This is Lady Aisha Clan Clan of the Cltar Cltar Empire. Our scanners have picked up a hitchhiker. To you, whom ever you might be, I have sent out a search party to find you and bring you before me for interrogation, if your lucky, we may not execute you and I'll sing for you. Signing off." Even as the speakers were terminated, our hero could already her the marching boots out side the door. _Well if I'm fortunate, they'll only interrogate me, if I'm not, then Ashia will live up to her threat._

That's the end for part one, keep watching for the second chapter, and please, no flames, don't copy this story with out my consent, and please REVIEW ME!!!!!!!!


	2. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Mult...

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Multiverse Chapter 2

Author's notes: You know the drill, so I won't go into detail, because it's the same as before.

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The Guide Entry on _Ctarl Ctarl:__ One of the high powers in the universe, and they'll be the first to tell you. If you want to fight one: forget it. The Ctarl Ctarl are a race of people who are a across between humans and tigers. They are extremely strong , fast and agile, and with the fazes of the moon, they can grow in size, power, ect; so being on Blue Heaven is the only pace you'll be safe from that type of power. While some people have priories over others, the Cltar Cltar have priority over EVERYONE. When it comes to eating, they could put most sayians to shame, for protein is the key to their power, requiring them to consume enough food to feed a entire regiment of burly not-too-bright marines. On no account let a Cltar Cltar sing to you._

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Ryan was be dragged not too gently to the bridge by both his legs. When they entered he was thrown right before Lady Aisha who stared at him with contempt, bulging with physical power (she had just eaten). "Well, well, just as I thought, a hitchhiker. Now I will make this brief and to the point, I'm not running a taxi service for degenerate freeloaders. You can make up for this heinous offence by telling me the whereabouts of Hilda."

" Hot Ice Hilda? I haven't seen her for months. Not since we played Quarters and I had to be dragged back to her ship to get over a hangover." He said honestly. "How incompetent do you think I am?!" Aisha snarled. "You don't want me to answer that." The Ctarl Ctarl slammed her fist on the arm rest of her chair and snarled. " Okay, maybe your being honest, but I'm going to hold you for more questioning, but first, I'll perform a little ballad I've recently worked up."

A few minutes later, Ryan was sitting in a "musical apretation" chair: strapped in. There where wires connected to his temples, ears and chest, to heighten the melody. Sweat creased his brow as Aisha sat at a grand piano and turned on a micro phone and began to sing.

" If Ctarl Ctarl ruled the un-verse!"

Pain racked Ryan's body, it was worst than he feared. His hands gripped the chair's arms and made indents as Aishacontinued.

"Iiiit's what I'd like to see-e-ee. 'Cause everyone in the universe would be before my claws."

Our hero began to convulse with pain as she un-mercilessly continued her "singing."

"I wouldn't have to give right of way. I wouldn't have to follow orders. 'Cause all would bow down before me in total abject fear."

"Neeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!" Ryan shrieked.

" All the handsome hunks would worship atmy feet. I could have anyone of them, even Marron Glace!"

She continued with the horrible song that was so awful that Beethoven would have rolled over in his grave. After words she bowed before her captive audience, while the unfortunate hitchhiker lolled in his seat. The guys down below cheered her, and showered her with praise, Ryan noticed that they where all wearing ear plugs.

"Wow, you're the first to live through verse 13!Now, I'll let you go, if you….tell me how you like my singing! Be totally honest, now."

She smirked devilishly at him. Knowing being honest would get him killed, Ryan decided to make something up, and quick.

"I liked it. It's steady flow, and rhythmic pace…uh it's melodious notes where like the sweetest fruit.It would have made the Muses envious, and..uh… it can be compared to the beauty of a sunset." He flashed her a winning smile, while mentally wishing someone would shoot him for letting that load of mealy mouthed crap escape his lips.

"Thank you! Now throw him in the brig!!!" she ordered as A burly male Ctarl Ctarl clutched Ryan by his throat and ripped him out of the chair with out undoing the straps first. As Ryan was being hauled off, her scanners picked up the trace of an approaching ship.

The guard hurled Ryan into a dank cell and went off to mindlessly perform his duties like a good peon. As the young researcher sat, he knew only something freak occurrence of something highly improbable would get him out of being Aisha's personal song test dummy. Fortunately this is the Anime universe.

It was by a slim chance of coincidence that the Galaxy Police ship Yugami was patrolling the area. By some foolish miscalculation on the part of 1st Class Detective Mihoshi, the ship rammed into Aisha's battle cruiser, cutting off power and letting the door to the brig cell occupied by Ryan swing invitingly open. Being the polite person he is, Ryan took the invitation by the inoperable portal and ran for the ship bay, using the opportunity to escape to Blue Heaven while Aisha savored hearing the repeated and almost whimpering apologies of Detective Kiyone and her partner.

Think he had got off Scott free Ryan ran up to the door and.. ran slap bag into it. Berating himself for not checking to see if the door was automatic or not. There was no knob, touch panel or button. The door was defiantly an auto. As he pondered why the door hadn't given him right of way, a holographic bald male humanoid wearing a blue jumpsuit and a cheesy smile appeared. Ryan groaned when he saw the large Shinra symbol on his forehead, it was one of their delightful door security systems.

Guide entry for _Shinra:__ A bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. At this time though, they are one of the largest and richest corporations in the multiverses. By chance a copy of the Encyclopedia Anima fell through a wormhole and when read it defined Shinra as: A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution (led by some guy with spiky blond hair and impossibly large sword,) came._

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"Greetings honored traveler, may I have the pass code for this door?" he asked in a ultra friendly tone. "I don't know it, look I'm in a hurry, please let me through." Of course the holo pass word man refused and stuck to his programming. After much debate, Ryan decided that this pointless banter was getting him nowhere and began to kick the password projection's interactive rear. After a brutal beating, the hitchhiker felt ashamed and propping up the half conscious man said in his politest tone, "Could you please let me through, old friend." The man immediately stood up strait, his cheesy smile plastered on his face again. "Left hook ,right cross, jab to stomach, knee to solar plexus, another left hook, drop kick to the rear, 'Could you please let me through old friend.' Have a nice day and a safe journey. Ryan sweat dropped and grabbed a drop shuttle, head for Blue Heaven.

That's it for chapter 2. Please review and tell me how I'm doing, and if I need to make any changes. You click the Back button on your browser now.

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